I was thinking about love recently. A lot. Trying to figure out what it actually is, like many have pondered. My main question is what would we consider love to be if we didn't have movies and television and everyone shoving it down our throat. That's why I'm so cynical when I look at things like marriage. It's truly hard for me to believe that all these people are conveniently finding their soul mates between the age of 17 and 25. Our society is drowned in the idea that we have to be married and have kids by a certain age, or something must be wrong with us. People break up with each other because they don't want to get married. Isn't that kind of a backwards thought process? You were with that person because you supposably loved them enough to consider spending your entire life with them, but you can't see that picture anymore when they don't want marriage? Does nobody understand what a lifetime is? It is a long fucking time. I also don't know what that would feel like, but I do have the sense to look around, see that it is not as easy as it is in the movies, and know I'm going to take me time.
I also know I am a cynic when it comes to love. I'm only shy of 20 and probably don't know nearly as much as the next person, but my walls have been built, and my heart has been hurt, and I've seen enough hurt and frustration and hatred for others to be disheartened. It's obviously still something I want to find, and thought I could have. People can change in the snap of a finger and that's the problem. If your not changing in the same ways and same timing together, your done. You expect a person to be one way and you blink and it has changed, or maybe you just build up an idea of what it should be in your head. It's hard to say why things can go horribly awry. And something must be wrong with me for not hating those people I once cared for. People hate one another so easily, I don't have the heart for that. I try to be civil and understanding..but then the next person doesn't understand. No matter what I do to try and keep MY life peaceful, it's met with misunderstandings and lack of trust.
This is another depressing post..and im not looking for anyone's pity or explanation on life...because if you try to explain it to me Im going to laugh and know your just as confused as I am. We have all made mistakes in love and life no matter how much experience we have. And I knew that was going to happen from the beginning. My philosophy on life has always been to give it my all. If it's someone or something I am truly passionate about I fight for it until I have no more will in me. That way I wouldn't have any regrets, or lies to hold a burden in my heart. Just be honest, genuine, and open, and things would be easier. Even my philosophy proved broken, because I guess the other person has to have the same ideas, and you're damned if they don't.
Once in a while two people do find their soul mates. Your parents are a very good example of this. We have had ups and downs throughout our relationship but we made a commitment to be there for each other until the end of time. Sometimes we have been near strangers. Sometimes we have been in perfect synchronicity. But never have we gotten to the point where we "stay together for the kids", as Tom DeLonge once sang. Once you decide to always put the others needs first before your own, and it works, then you know you have something that could last forever. Through the years we have brought each other out of very dark places and probably have not seen each others darkest yet but our commitment to love, not everyone's but our definition of the concept, drives us to change for each other, to always find new ways to make each other happy. I don't know where I would be today, probably not of this earth anymore, without your mother by my side. I am not saying this to defend marriage, it is a concept that only fits well for the few not the majority, I am saying this to explain that even though we make mistakes in love relationships, as long as you are honest and care deeply for your partner, the relationship should last a lifetime.
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